![]() He loses his specialness, and sibling rivalry can be extreme. It’s exacerbated if another child is born. His fall from grace can be confusing and traumatic. In response, he may rebel and incur her rage or try to please her to be accepted. ![]() To boost her ego, she may brag about her son to her friends, but is critical at home. As he matures and challenges her control, she disparages his emerging individuality and tries to correct and change him. They build his confidence and sense of importance. Many narcissistic mothers idealize their young sons. Through her manipulation with anger, shame, guilt, self-pity, and/or martyrdom, he learns to put her wishes and needs first and feels obligated to do so. There’s usually a high price to pay for his attempts at autonomy. Hence, her over-involvement with her son can camouflage her toxic parenting. She makes him feel loved, important, and valued, reinforcing his dependency. When he’s an adult, she might rely on him to make decisions and manage her affairs and finances.Ībove all, she uses and exploits her son to supply her with attention and admiration, and to fill her wants and needs. She might depend on her son to support her emotionally, listen to her, be a companion, or attend to her physical needs and responsibilities. Although a mother may appear independent, she may be emotionally needy and foster mutual dependency with her son through adoring and controlling behavior. They use their children for their narcissistic supply. Instead of neglect, other narcissistic mothers are enmeshed. They might demand that their young son “be a man,” or favor one child and demonstrably ignore or belittle another. ![]() They are needy themselves and can’t bear their child’s needs. Narcissistic mothers who feel burdened by motherhood neglect their children, yet shame and criticize them – sometimes for being too needy or childlike. The following are some common patterns, though your experience may differ. Some act aggressive, while others act caring or seductive. There are narcissistic mothers who are disinterested in their children others who are over-involved. Narcissism varies in degree and kind and with each individual’s personality and values. Dynamics between Sons and Narcissistic Mothers Because they lack boundaries, they project and shame and blame others for their own emotional discomfort, which they can’t tolerate. They take offense easily, triggering contempt and rage. Their insecurity drives their insatiable, unrealistic needs for high regard and admiration. “It’s their way or the highway,” and if you don’t oblige, they punish you with attacks, coldness, or withholding. They exact compliance through control, manipulation, guilt, and shame. Narcissists feel entitled and insist on getting their way. Their children’s feelings and needs are neglected and criticized, while their own take precedence. They don’t see them as individuals, but only as extensions of themselves. ![]() Narcissists lack empathy and the ability to nurture their children. Sons of narcissistic mothers suffer damage to their autonomy, self-worth, and future relationships with women. ![]() Tell them directly the role you want them to play in your life or the life of any future pets, children, etc.All children of narcissists suffer.Don’t accept false promises to change after arguments or blowouts with a narcissist.Set healthy boundaries about what you will and will not do for them.Don’t isolate yourself on an island with your narcissistic parent (i.e., work on your other family dynamics and don’t spend all your attention on this one person).Keep in mind that explaining to the narcissist that they’re being narcissistic doesn’t work (they’re not self-aware enough, don’t have enough empathy, and can’t fully receive what you’re saying).Avoid questioning yourself or not listening to your gut.Know you cannot change the narcissist (only they can do that).Remind yourself you are dealing with a narcissist. ![]()
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